I met a really nice guy back in January, shortly after my birthday. He approached me.
We started out hot and heavy (as usual). Our attraction was very strong. He said the right things, I said the right things, and we had a great time. Then, suddenly, without warning: all I hear is crickets. The phone stops ringing and the texting begins.
Suddenly, he’s so busy. The 5-year-old daughter he had while we were hot and heavy suddenly needed his attention. His mother suddenly needed him for everything. Every time I wanted to see him, it was always, “My mom needs me to… (fill in the blank with whatever excuse you want because I could give a fat’s dogs ass at this point).”
I confronted him about the cold shoulder treatment and he told me that he felt we were “moving too fast.” Anyway, so I backed away for about 6 weeks. During that 6 week hiatus, he texted and called me a total of 2 times. He was just “checking with” me to make sure I was “doing okay.” He let me know that although he hadn’t called, he was still thinking of me. At this point, I was just shocked, but relieved he called.
Weeks go by and I have basically moved on. Then, one morning at 8 a.m., he calls and blurts out all this information. He had some sort of catharsis. It’s as if he was seeking some sort of redemption. “I’ve been seeing my ex-girlfriend the whole time we have known each other. I couldn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t stick around.”
Blah, blah, blah, and 3 paragraphs later, he wants to break up with her because he feels emotionally abused by her. Blah, blah, blah, he doesn’t want to lose access to his daughter because the girlfriend holds the little girl sort of “hostage.”
The bottom line is this: I do love him because his is wonderful and we have a bond. But he needs to take me off layaway! He picked me off the shelf, with a little money down so that I felt like I shouldn’t see anyone else. He got me involved and allowed a love to blossom over time. He has held me there ever since. You know, in a store, you can only hold the merchandise for so long without getting out. You are interrupting business by not claiming items that can be purchased by a serious customer. He needs to either piss or get off the pot. He’s trying to keep me “in the loop” with his occasional phone calls and morning greetings through text. What does he want from me? Have you ever been put on layaway?
i know the situation sucks but at the end of the day, you deserve WAY better. No one deserves to be on “layaway”. I get you have a connection but your better off cutting it off and finding someone th at will make you his priority and not just an option.
That is some damn good advice. I deserve to be a PRIORITY! Thank you for your response!
Nicki
uhm if thats not every other guy i met… I am not something you can buy nor rent so why put me on layway, but i begin to think eventually somebody going to get me out of layaway and put me on the asileway. lol
Lol…you are damn right and it’s down right selfish. We need serious buyers only! Here’s the thing: How long do we wait on layaway? 90 days like a store?
Here’s the thing with this. If this guy had stayed away because he wasn’t ready for something serious, or he really was too busy to give you a fair shot – then he might be worth another chance. But this whole dating someone else business – I have been the layaway guy before. Twice with the same woman. Always wanting to spend lots of time with me when things sucked in the relationship, but never taking the step to be rid of the other guy and moving on.
Its not so much that he delayed; it’s the reasons he delayed.
I see your point. I can see that. But here’s whats so frustrating about these situations: the mis-communication. Men and women cannot read each other’s minds. Why don’t men come out and just say it? Not knowing is way worse than knowing bad news. If you hear him say he doesn’t have time, then you can regroup and attempt to move on. Who wants to be left in a limbo state?
I agree. Being left in limbo sucks. I have had my share of those experiences too. Some people don’t know how to explain what’s going on, so they just disappear quietly. It’s much better to say something, but I have learned that sometimes you’ll never know what happened. Or they reappear after months or years and then you find out
In an effort to avoid conflict, crying and all the fighting, men often try to bow out “gracefully” from these situations. Their intentions are to slide placidly away from drama, however, if proves to be harmful. You’re right, there is a reason for everything. Thanks for the perspective!
Nicki
This is a game. He is the player, and you are the dice. The good news is, you get to decide on what number you land. He has already shown you his inability to be up front and honest with you about the relationship until after the fact. He’s shown you his lack of maturity to say, “I think we need to slow this down”. He’s verbally expressed to you his lack of desire for a serious, committed relationship, and how inconsiderate he is of your feelings. What he seems to be asking of you now is, “Will you take me, as is? Will you be my default chick?” If you agree to this, prepare for more heartache of this type. He may wish to put you on layaway, but only you decide if you remain there. Keep lookin’.
That’s a damn good point: “will you take me as is? will you be my default chic?” If I entertain him then I am saying “yes, I will accept the second chic status.” Thanks for your insight. Brilliant!